Since I was sitting around yesterday thinking about jazz, I picked up a number of books from my bookshelf about jazz and read some passages here and there. One book mentioned how many of the jazz musicians in the 1940s and afterwards were heaviliy influenced by bebop saxophone pioneer Charlie Parker. Parker and Dizzy Gillespie are probably the two most famous jazz musicians of the bebop era, and they are acknowledged as pioneers of the artform. Unfortunately, Parker was also a well-known junkie or heroin addict. This lead to a lot of young impressionable jazz musicians as well as jazz fans to take to heroin thinking that was the secret to great jazz, whereupon a fair number became addicts.
John Coltrane was another famous jazz musician who, as a younger musician, also developed an addiction to heroin and alcohol which almost cost him the ability to play music, as he was fired more than once from jazz bands due to unreliability stemming from his addictions. After being fired from Miles Davis's group -- one of the greatest small group jazz bands of the 1950s -- in 1957 Coltrane locked himself in a room for two weeks to quit heroin and alcohol cold turkey. In the liner notes to A Love Supreme, which is considered by many to be his greatest recording, he wrote of the aftermath of this experience:
During the year 1957, I experienced, by the grace of God, a spiritual awakening which has guided me to a richer, fuller, more productive life. At that time, in gratitude, I humbly asked to be given the means and privilege to make others happy through music. I feel this has been granted through His grace. ALL PRAISE TO GOD.
But the interesting thing to note, as in relation to the subject of addiction, is that after kicking his habit, Coltrane became obssessed with woodshedding, practicing his music, and exploring the directions that his music could take. This was even seen when he played live as he and his group of musicians could end up playing and obssesively exploring only one song for the course of an entire hour.
So I got to thinking (dangerous ground there heh heh) that some folks like me have addictive personalities. Something about our brain chemistry makes us addicts, and when we kick a destructive habit, oftentimes it is a matter of substituting a healthier alternative habit.
Now, I believe that everybody probably has their own obsessions, but I don't see that as equal to being an addict. Most people who say, "I am addicted to chocolate!" usually aren't addicts, in my eyes. To me, an addict is somebody who spends an inordinate amount of time and energy thinking about when and where they are going to get their next hit, and when they go without their special something they undergo mental and/or physical anguish and suffering. Most so-called choco-holics would probably be fine if they did without for a week or two, though they might be a little sad about the fact. But that feeling isn't the same feeling that an addict has where their every thinking moment is tied up with trying to get a hold of that next hit. I think there is something in the addict's brain chemistry where the focus of their addiction gives them a thrill or feeling that they can't live without, so they spend an inordinate amount of time trying to reproduce that feeling again and again. Some addicts may do it with drugs and some may do it with thrillseeking.
Probably most of my life, I have had one type of addiction or another. Luckily, none of them were ever addictions to drugs or alcohol, but nonetheless I think I could call myself a junkie of a different sort. I have had a number of addictions which include: collecting music CDs, collecting comic books and artwork, working long unpaid overtime hours, and running. As I look back, I can see how parts of my life roughly divide up into different phases like when I was a comic book addict, a work addict, a running addict. Like most addicts, I built up a tolerance for my addictions. Tolerance is when you need larger and larger doses to get the same effect.
I guess I am lucky that my addictions haven't led to outright destitution or destruction of my good health. But at one time or another, I do feel that they have had the ability to throw the overall course of my life off the track I would like to be on. I guess I have been lucky that the tolerance that built up for each addiction was at a level before it became purely destructive. For example, with collecting artwork (which I still dabble in) it got to a point where I felt a lot of what I would acquire in the future would be below the level at which it would satisfy that addictive thrill. Somehow I had reached the ulitmate high, and most things afterwards would be a bit of an anti-climax. With work, I finally realized that other people were benefitting much more than I from all those unpaid overtime hours that I worked. And not only that, but that work was actually hurting me directly by siphoning off time and energy that I could use in personal self-improvement and fulfilment, a.k.a. the stuff of life itself. Instead of pouring all my time into work, it was more important to use that time wisely. On the other hand, maybe I've just been saved by "burn-out"?!? 8^)
Running would have to be the primary addiction in my life right now, as the daily run is one of the most important activities I engage in every day. I must know the weather forecast for tomorrow because I have to know which running clothes to bring to work so that I can do my daily run after work. It is a real bummer for me to miss the weather forecast!
However, with running (and possibly just from getting older and wiser hopefully) I finally feel more grounded. It literally reinforces the contact between me and this world as every step is in direct contact with the world, every gasping breath draws life from the air around me. Even though I schedule one day a week off from running, most people would still call me a running junkie. I don't feel right if I take an unscheduled day off from running. Today is the second day in a row I did not run, and that was because I had a sore throat and a bit of a cold. I know objectively it was good to rest, but I still feel somewhat bad that I didn't run today. However, that didn't change the fact that I chose not to run and did not run, so today I controlled the little demon instead of the demon controlling me. With the passing of time, I am slowly seeing the little demon inside transform into a little guardian angel. Then I will be 100% free to do the best I can in this lifetime -- that is the responsibility that comes with the gift of being alive. I think the ultimate miracle is that there is something instead of nothing. So I'll be glad to experience the universe, life, god, whatever-you-call-the-truth-of-existence without the small-focus distortion of a junkie's viewpoint. All praise to the universe, to everything that was, is, and will be...
John Coltrane was another famous jazz musician who, as a younger musician, also developed an addiction to heroin and alcohol which almost cost him the ability to play music, as he was fired more than once from jazz bands due to unreliability stemming from his addictions. After being fired from Miles Davis's group -- one of the greatest small group jazz bands of the 1950s -- in 1957 Coltrane locked himself in a room for two weeks to quit heroin and alcohol cold turkey. In the liner notes to A Love Supreme, which is considered by many to be his greatest recording, he wrote of the aftermath of this experience:
During the year 1957, I experienced, by the grace of God, a spiritual awakening which has guided me to a richer, fuller, more productive life. At that time, in gratitude, I humbly asked to be given the means and privilege to make others happy through music. I feel this has been granted through His grace. ALL PRAISE TO GOD.
But the interesting thing to note, as in relation to the subject of addiction, is that after kicking his habit, Coltrane became obssessed with woodshedding, practicing his music, and exploring the directions that his music could take. This was even seen when he played live as he and his group of musicians could end up playing and obssesively exploring only one song for the course of an entire hour.
So I got to thinking (dangerous ground there heh heh) that some folks like me have addictive personalities. Something about our brain chemistry makes us addicts, and when we kick a destructive habit, oftentimes it is a matter of substituting a healthier alternative habit.
Now, I believe that everybody probably has their own obsessions, but I don't see that as equal to being an addict. Most people who say, "I am addicted to chocolate!" usually aren't addicts, in my eyes. To me, an addict is somebody who spends an inordinate amount of time and energy thinking about when and where they are going to get their next hit, and when they go without their special something they undergo mental and/or physical anguish and suffering. Most so-called choco-holics would probably be fine if they did without for a week or two, though they might be a little sad about the fact. But that feeling isn't the same feeling that an addict has where their every thinking moment is tied up with trying to get a hold of that next hit. I think there is something in the addict's brain chemistry where the focus of their addiction gives them a thrill or feeling that they can't live without, so they spend an inordinate amount of time trying to reproduce that feeling again and again. Some addicts may do it with drugs and some may do it with thrillseeking.
Probably most of my life, I have had one type of addiction or another. Luckily, none of them were ever addictions to drugs or alcohol, but nonetheless I think I could call myself a junkie of a different sort. I have had a number of addictions which include: collecting music CDs, collecting comic books and artwork, working long unpaid overtime hours, and running. As I look back, I can see how parts of my life roughly divide up into different phases like when I was a comic book addict, a work addict, a running addict. Like most addicts, I built up a tolerance for my addictions. Tolerance is when you need larger and larger doses to get the same effect.
I guess I am lucky that my addictions haven't led to outright destitution or destruction of my good health. But at one time or another, I do feel that they have had the ability to throw the overall course of my life off the track I would like to be on. I guess I have been lucky that the tolerance that built up for each addiction was at a level before it became purely destructive. For example, with collecting artwork (which I still dabble in) it got to a point where I felt a lot of what I would acquire in the future would be below the level at which it would satisfy that addictive thrill. Somehow I had reached the ulitmate high, and most things afterwards would be a bit of an anti-climax. With work, I finally realized that other people were benefitting much more than I from all those unpaid overtime hours that I worked. And not only that, but that work was actually hurting me directly by siphoning off time and energy that I could use in personal self-improvement and fulfilment, a.k.a. the stuff of life itself. Instead of pouring all my time into work, it was more important to use that time wisely. On the other hand, maybe I've just been saved by "burn-out"?!? 8^)
Running would have to be the primary addiction in my life right now, as the daily run is one of the most important activities I engage in every day. I must know the weather forecast for tomorrow because I have to know which running clothes to bring to work so that I can do my daily run after work. It is a real bummer for me to miss the weather forecast!
However, with running (and possibly just from getting older and wiser hopefully) I finally feel more grounded. It literally reinforces the contact between me and this world as every step is in direct contact with the world, every gasping breath draws life from the air around me. Even though I schedule one day a week off from running, most people would still call me a running junkie. I don't feel right if I take an unscheduled day off from running. Today is the second day in a row I did not run, and that was because I had a sore throat and a bit of a cold. I know objectively it was good to rest, but I still feel somewhat bad that I didn't run today. However, that didn't change the fact that I chose not to run and did not run, so today I controlled the little demon instead of the demon controlling me. With the passing of time, I am slowly seeing the little demon inside transform into a little guardian angel. Then I will be 100% free to do the best I can in this lifetime -- that is the responsibility that comes with the gift of being alive. I think the ultimate miracle is that there is something instead of nothing. So I'll be glad to experience the universe, life, god, whatever-you-call-the-truth-of-existence without the small-focus distortion of a junkie's viewpoint. All praise to the universe, to everything that was, is, and will be...
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